WHITE ELEPHANT DILEMMA

for whatever reason
i am always nervous
about the ELEPHANT in the room
the WHITE one, that is
 there have been parties when
the gifts were anything but
a WHITE ELEPHANT
so one gets the good gift

and one gets the dud

then there is the true WHITE ELEPHANT
and you are competing to see if it passes
as the WHITE ELEPHANT test
oh what to do...

noah was my partner in crime
we hit deseret industries
on redwood
(i am not knocking the d.i.--i have shopped there and
found some really cute things
but the prices are in my price range at the moment)
i had a specific image of a
porcelain WHITE 
ELEPHANT in mind

then i could try to be funny and say
"you did say to bring a
WHITE ELEPHANT
didn't you?"

no WHITE ELEPHANTS
in this room
gray ones maybe
it was time for plan B
as i gazed down the toy aisle
a pair of plastic hands were reaching out to me
i pulled it from the shelf
in unison, noah said with me
"what is it?'
"what do you do with it?
i turned it this way and that
just then i caught a plastic head in the corner
you know to put make up on and do hair
ba-zing
i get it

you are supposed to do the hands nails
my mind went into full motion

my gift
a large brown bag
with
"santa baby--
let me give you a hand"
on the front
i attached glitter nail polish

a big buck chocolate dollar
and a santa tie that makes a noise
when you push the button
it made me smile
but then again,
maybe
just maybe
someone would show up with cool gifts
that everyone wants
no one would want this little gift
noah called it creepy
i threw in a stuffed GRAY
 ELEPHANT
that i had tried to bleach
but it turned purple

i doused the poor ELEPHANT
 in baby powder hoping
to shower it WHITE
(and also drown out the bleach smell)
and called it good
i enjoyed a nice lunch
but when the games were called
i couldn't bear to see how the guests would react
and what category my WHITE 
ELEPHANT gift was in...
so i bailed

i went off into the sunset
and on a not so WHITE ELEPHANT