WOODEN ROSES

from the archives and files of the mixed UP granddaughter rebecca

 

BIRTHDAY FOR ELDER HART

 i do not know what it is about my nieces and nephew

but they bring out the

T.T.B.F .in me

(Trying To Be Funny)

that is what earned me the

ca ca caching drum roll from mads

the "crazy aunt" title

from stephen

birthdays and holidays

are simply invitations for me

to present my best

as i searched the world over for just the right card

i was most disappointed...

cheesier than kraft macaroni

dirtier than pigs rollin' in mud

dumber than dumb, dumber, and dumbest

until

wait for it

wait for it

press play

p.s. i am the "crazy aunt"

and not the singing
fat lady

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
 ELDER HART

BLACK FRIDAY

it was an oh so delectable

THANKSGIVING 

DINNER.

the discomfort of all

the magnificently rich and homecooked

comfort food,

began to be unbearable

step one: undo the pants

or at least change into the expandables

step two: rolaids

step three: lie down

step four: hang the 

"DO NOT DISTURB" sign

naturally, noah did not overeat

and so he was not uncomfortable

and he still has some good ol' energizer bunny in him.

grandma and grandpa

decided to stay a bit longer

and agreed to deliver him to our home.

i was just bordering on comfortable

when noah

burst through the door

"come on...get dressed...it is 

BLACK FRIDAY."

my thoughts:

"what happened to 'DO NOT DISTURB ?'"

what came out of my mouth is

"it is not  BLACK FRIDAY.

it is still thursday

it is still THANKSGIVING

and besides it is dangerous...!"

his argument:

"one day a year EVERYTHING

goes on sale...

things that are $1,000.00 

are $49.00 on this day only."

"noah

it is thursday,

so it can't be  BLACK FRIDAY"

so we watched a movie.

 BLACK FRIDAY

i washed.

i folded.

i paid bills.

i scanned items.

i dressed head to toe
in BLACK 

and called it

 BLACK FRIDAY.

noah thought that was the dumbest thing ever :)

SHE'S BACK !

   SHE’S BACK !

   introduction:

i am thinking of the movie

“poltergeist.”

 the charming little girl

in front of a television

blaring with static

and then the infamous words

“THEY’RE BACK”

referring to the unsettled spirits

that have their mission

of taunting, making a mess of the home.

and frightening the 

bejeepers out of the members 

of that

household.

first act:

i stayed with my mother and father

at the huntsman cancer 

hospital and institute.

though circumstances were challenging,

spirits were full of hope and cheer.

there was laughter.

there was service in every aspect

of a multitude people.

there were smiles,

visitors and magnificent flowers.

there was great news from the Doctors

and great progress from the patient.

second act:

so,

it was time for me to return home 

with heavy eyelids

but a cheerful heart.

i pulled into the garage

maybe a tad too far

how it happened, i can’t explain...

i smashed the drawer into

smitherines.

needless to say,

i did not get the warm reception 

i had hoped for.

discouraged i went to my bedroom 

only to discover

da vinci found 

noah’s stuffed animals

i could not face another upset

so i crawled into my bed.

slumber found me

but it was short lived,

“are you watching your son?”

questioned rick

i had heard the bath water running

but i couldn’t hear soap suds.

bubbles, 

bubbles 

and even more  

bubbles...

 growing and overflowing

and all of the sudden

noah emerged

goggles and all !

intermission:

i appreciated the moment for what it was...

a moment of humor and then

 i threw down the towels.

third act:

da vinci was outside.

i have a tendency to bribe him with bread.

i was walking ahead trying

to coax him in the desired direction

and dog gone that dog gone dog !

he took it..

no, bit it, right out of my hand !

finger and all.

fourth and final act:

clearly, i’m back

to the haunting of daily challenges.

i’ll pout for a bit.

then, i’ll count my blessings.

i’ll put on a smile...

and listen

for

SHE’S BACK !

only this time

 as the ghost buster...

the destruction slayer...

the bubble blower...

the princess of her palace...

it’s good to be home !

"I'M BEAUTIFUL...I LIKE MY HAIR !"

if i had the time,

i could write a book on all the interesting,

uncanny,

did that just really happen to my HAIR?

 experiences*

most often,

a trip to the salon

is never cheap

and to have mistakes fixed,

multiply the cost by three.

i finally found someone 

i

love

love 

love

betsy smith

at the salon in south jordan, utah

"I'M BEAUTIFUL "

in this place

red lipstick is emphasized

walls and walls

of  red lipstick quotes

it takes a confident woman

to wear bold red

and say

"I'M BEAUTIFUL "

(commercial break)

*science fair project

question: does red lipstick make you feel

more beautiful?

hypothesis: if women wear red lipstick,

then women will feel more beautiful

and in the very least have an attitude

that speaks volumes.

each new school year

begins with

a return to work pep rally

the big boss opened the meeting

with

jessica's affirmations

on youtube

(notice jessica's hair)

i realized then and there

i needed an attitude adjustment in the worst way

when it came time to select

the staff motto for the

t-shirt

(usually stems from a theme in the meeting)

naturally i wanted

"i like my hair...

i like my ELA's"

apparently everyone already loves their hair

and so we will be the "dream team"

but that did not stop me 

from my own personal mission statement:

it is on my pencils.

it is on my water bottles

and eventually

it will be on my countenance

mmmm....

maybe my new affirmation will be

"I'M BEAUTIFUL...

I LIKE MY HAIR

I WEAR RED LIPSTICK

AND GO BY

YES PRINCESS"

(to be continued)
*dorthy hamill gone wrong

boing! cute but annoying

mullet + spike = get me the heck out of here

plastic wig

bangs

burgundy? red? orange?

permanent (ly) damage(d)

paris adapter, curling iron disaster 

barbecue singed

head lice

a-line, page boy, pixie cut, what was i thinking?

blow drier fire

2 times, a stranger approach me to fix my hair!!

PRINCESS QUITE A LOT !

PRINCESS QUITE A LOT !

so one day

i am being a typical mom

“noah . . . did you do your homework?

please make your bed !

what do you mean you did not finish your homework ?

water the plants !

pick up the poops !

do it now ! !

read right this minute !

no ! no ! no ! “

clearly

i was missing the cue

on my little boy’s face

frustration

must have been building

because

in a rather condescending tone

i hear ,

“YES  PRINCESS !”

“ princess ????

did this young man just call me Princess ? “

at first i was somewhat offended
(reasons beyond what i could write in this post)

okay. . .more than somewhat .

i reminded noah

in a not so princess like voice,

that if he had done

what he  knew he was supposed to do ,

then i would never have to bark out

requests . commands . orders .

several times since,

he has referred to me as princess . . .

that started my mind to pondering .

i am a princess

i am a daughter of god

i am a woman of noble birth

i am his mother

and so by all means

he can call me princess .

he can treat me as a princess

and i will be delighted

to be called

“Yes PRINCESS”

i was shopping for my primary

at seagull books .

in the young women section

there before my eyes

were earrings . . .

sparkly and in the shape of small crowns .

they had

“Yes PRINCESS”

written all over them

and so i did what any 
young princess would do . . .

i had to have them !

i wore them and i could feel the
princess magic

flow through my countenance.

WOWZA !

noah and i had the difficult morning routine .

as he stepped out of the car i implored,

“ no friends ! homewrk first ! “

to which he responded ,

“Yes PRINCESS”

i flipped my hair to reveal

the dangling crowns ,

“you better believe i am your

‘Yes PRINCESS’ ”

with a roll of his eyes

he was out the door .

i rolled down the window

“ i love you ! 
have a wonderful day ”

he smiled ,

“Yes PRINCESS”

now , i have to take this 
pewter pumpkin

 of a vehicle

to work

and hope that my little creature friends 

will have my palace

in tip top condition

“Yes PRINCESS”