HALLOWEEN GAZETTE

 THE HALLOWEEN GAZETTE

i do not like evil

but i can do fun

and imagination is where i live

first stop the halloween city

noah knows what he wants
(you will have to scroll down
to see what i SA W)

but for me...

"they grow up so fast"

"ijust had my nails done"

"does this come with a tan?"

"well...this isn't a good mask.
practically everyone has already seen
my senior moments!"

for $100.00 i could be a jeweled gypsie
or put on my patch and be

pirates of the SCAREabean
AND

whatever you do...do not push the buttons

 with the numbers on them
*****

fright on target

great finds in the halloween aisle

big wigs

clever decorations
and 

can’t pass up the dollar section

walmart

i do not like baking

but i can open bags

muddy buddy snack mix

candy corn m&m

halloween candy mix

gummy worms

so cute. so fun. so easy.

delicious
*****

WARD PARTY

what is a halloween

without a gathering at the ward?

on a brisk autumn night,

i wandered over to the church 

with my 3 hooligans

children in costumes

marched on parade 

adults dressed in  

halloween wear

provided haunting games

ghoulish activities

creepy prizes

treats missing eyeballs

rick claimed:

“i can’t go, 

i am still wearing my fishing gear”

(duh... it’s a costume party

 and there is a fishing pond)

*****

Harmon’s

a quick trip to the grocery store

becomes a spooky experience

departments have a decorating contest

and i leave without groceries
******

Daybreak on Parade

what i love about Daybreak...

community spirit

businesses participated

in costume on parade

only, they were nailed to the fence post

rather than marching

though life like in size

the human qualities 

zapped !*$% 

from the marrow 

of their skeleton bones

everything from NACHO LIBRE in tights

to the basic straw SCARECROW

*****

which witch

i decided to be a witch

i have had a years worth of practice

i do not have to buy a costume

i laugh rather loud

i have a super fast broom

i am really a natural

at my place of employment

costumes are acceptable

if you dress as a character in a book

mmm, which witch

the witch next door by norman bridwell 

is a childhood favorite

witches by roald dahl

also a great read

especially when 

i get to read it aloud

speak like a witch

and pronounce the “W” with a “V”

and say the Vitches

then there is wicked

everyone’s favorite

and one that awaits..

and just what other characters graced the halls?

beaker and bunson burner in the science department

ruby red beauties...dorothy, rosie the riveter and isabel

miss understood

tweedle dee and tweedle dum

*****

ZOMBIE LANE

it is not everyday

i see ZOMBIEs walking down the street

today i did

the ZOMBIEs explained 

as trick or treaters arrive

ZOMBIE’s delight in a ZOMBIE dance

a ZOMBIE scare, a ZOMBIE fright

apparently

every year at halloween

there are try outs to be ZOMBIEs 

go figure...

“when i grow up, 

i want to be a ZOMBIE...”

i don’t think so

then again.

my witch hat is giving me a headache

and it’s getting in the way

my face has melted to the floor

my hair...perfect 

(i actually scared a trick or treater away)

*****

INGREDIENTS MISSING FROM THE BREW

2 pumpkin patches

1 trick or treating at jordan landing

1 corn maze 

1 scarecrow festival

3 halloween shirts

a collection of HAUNTED HOUSES on display

BOOOOO WHHHHHOOOO

noah: “you don’t have to cry about it

rick: “there’s no sense in crying over spilled BREW

i do not like cooking
AT ALL
but i can preheat the oven to 425
for a papa murphy's jack o lantern pizza

for a toothy grin
on everyone's face
including the pizza

FROM THE NOT SO FUNNIES COMIC PAGE

"ROCKIN to the OLDIES"

"the economy is tough...McDonalds wouldn't even hire me"

"EEENSY WEEEENSY SPIDER..."

"how much is that DOGGY in the window?
the one with the waggly tail.. "

"oh my heck...i am such an air head"
*****

GRIMM REAPER BECOMES GRIM WRAPPERS

all over the floor

THE SA W (aka noah) had yet to

 

REAP the outcome of his

sweet treasures.

and for the parents CRAP

that’s right,

i said it... CRAP

temptation to overindulge

my new favorite 

came not from 

THE SA W but from a shelf at

GRIMM REAMER :)

hershey’s pumpkin kisses